The man is so dry he makes day-old toast seem dripping wet! In fact, I am sure I've heard a joke from him on NPR about getting sliced bread... not only the joke but whatever audience was out there laughed. These people need to drink more cause they're dehydrated with all this 'dry' humor around them.
Water chestnuts, because of the sentient nature and ability to survive underwater, are an archenemy. Celery however is clearly relegated to nemesis status. The crunch, the horror, the things it makes peanut butter and raisins do when no one is looking... it's involvement in tuna salad. The HORROR! THE HORROR!
